so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
