kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found puke in my bra..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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