Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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