So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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