if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize