no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
