Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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