Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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