I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
