Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
