i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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