Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
