im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
