At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
