is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I need to align my fucking chakras
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
