Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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