i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
