i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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