i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
