she smelled like a LAN party
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
