trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
