My nipple is on Facebook.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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