He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
