Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
