i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
