Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
