i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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