Already got asked if we're dating
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
