At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
