i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
