um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
