Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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