I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I did not marry a roomba.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
