Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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