I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
