shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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