Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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