a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
