never play flip cup with pint glasses
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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