What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
