Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
