For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
