somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
