So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
