i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
