i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
