If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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