I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Randomize
