Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
