I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
