Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
