Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
