If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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