Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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