I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
