I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize