So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
