you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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