Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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