then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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