My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
