I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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