Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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