I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
