literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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