In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
