I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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