The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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