Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
