I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
