I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
